Every nation should have a national holiday on which they celebrate the fact that they were welcomed warmly by strangers who nurtured them to health until they were ready to engage in a rather successful 200+ year genocidal campaign against said strangers. You would think it would be day of national mourning maybe?, but if that's what you think you seriously misunderstand how nations work. Nations are little (or in our case not-so-little) bands of we-ness with their guns pointed at everyone else's they-ness. So, your national celebration of successful genocide should be....a celebration. We here in America call ours Thanksgiving. "God are we ever thankful that you gave us the military superiority to clear most of the continent of its indigenous inhabitants."
The food you eat on such a holiday should reflect the national character: therefore the food of choice in our case is Turkey; after all, you are what you eat. I like to follow up my holiday gorging with some fun reading. I highly recommend a happy novel, like Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian, Or the Evening Redness in the West. If more people read this book they would have a better understanding of American foreign policy (we are so misunderstood).
Finally one should not forget dessert. Seriously. I am from the South so therefore my dessert of choice is pecan pie. Sure pumpkin pie is nice too, and I will be making one of those as well, but nothing matches the pure super-caloric consumptive delight that is pecan pie. A slice of heaven. Seriously.
1. Don't make your own pie crusts. Are you insane? Is there anything more depressing and annoying than the frustrating process of trying to roll out your own pie crust. No, no there isn't. Seriously. Buy a refrigerated pie crust. Thank you.
2. 28 caramels....be sure to eat the rest of the bag while you are unwrapping the other 28; there are starving children somewhere (Canada, I think).
3. 1/4 cup butter
4. 1/4 cup water
5. 3/4 cup sugar (now you're talkin')
6. 2 large eggs
7. 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
8. 1/4 teaspoon salt (yes, I said salt, don't argue with me)
9. 1 cup chopped pecans
After you have baked your pie crust and you have set it out to cool, combine the caramels, butter and water in a large saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring constantly!, 5 to 7 minutes or until caramels and butter are melted; remove from heat.
Stir together the sugar and next three ingredients. Stir into caramel mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in the pecans (it is a pecan pie, remember). Pour into the crust.
Bake the pie at 400 degrees Farhenheit for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 and bake 20 more minutes, after you shield the edges of the crust with aluminum foil to keep them from over-browning. Remove pie and let it cool.
And let them eat pie.